5 Couples That Make You Happy To Be Single
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Like a spider web at face level, as soon as you run into them, you’re fucked. You cringe and try to retract but it’s too late. You have to endure an annoying couple. They used to be acquaintances, or even friends, but now that they’re together, they have turned into a two headed monster. They’re too close, too weird, and too awkward. But at least they make you realize how glad you are that you’re alone. Here are the absolute worst types of couples that will help you embrace your single life.
The Entity
The couple who you used to know as two completely separate individuals that has somehow melded into a single form. They form opinions as one personage like “we love going to brunch!” and “Tom Cruise is our favorite!” Any shred of individual personality either one of them ever had has been sold for scrap and melted down in favor of the disgusting harmonized relationship entity they’ve created.
The Siamese Couple
Rarely found not making physical contact, this couple is hands-down the most disgusting. They sit on the same side of a restaurant table. They kiss each other before going to the bathroom. These two re-enact the Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene at supper every
night like puppy lovers, but really it’s disgusting enough to make you want to shoot them like they’re Old Yeller.
The Isolators
These flames are off in their own little world 24/7. They text each other while in the same room. They have pet names and use them in public regularly. This couple acts like there’s nobody else in the world except each other and it’s sickening. When they’re not making those around them feel awkward with their inside jokes, they’re doing it with their seductive glances at each other, shoved right in your face.
The Fighters
This couple is the face of domestic abuse. How the fuck did they even end up together? Every time you leave them, you have to seriously weigh calling the cops to protect them from each other. They’re at each other’s throats with insults, embarrassing stories, and really harsh personal digs at all times. No question, they’re into some crazy shit in the bedroom, and she’s gotta be at least a level 5 make-up artist to hide the bruises he inevitably lays on her as soon as they’re alone.
The Over-Sharers
“Ugh, he’s been wanting anal a lot lately. Like how am I supposed to keep that up, you know? I eat too much Indian food for that.” This couple has no filter and their entire relationship is voluntarily transparent. They’re like if Cosmo magazine was personified. Except every time they talk about personal things, it’s so annoying that you hear it in Gilbert Gottfried’s voice.
Being single doesn’t just mean being lonely. It just means you aren’t subject to the personality destruction relationships cause. Remember that no matter how empty your bed and life seem, at least you’re not part of an annoying couple.